Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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