Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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