yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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