i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
