I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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