Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
