sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
