who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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