She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
