apparently the secret to your success is patron
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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