Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
