but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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