i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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