dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
