i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
