Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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