Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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