I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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