I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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