You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
