the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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