I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
