So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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