3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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