Will you blow on my dice?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize