From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
