I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
