I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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