He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
