i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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