Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
