office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
