You made me cry and you don't even care
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
