I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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