I think I won the penis lottery.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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