Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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