she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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