You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
