just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
