how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
