Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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