I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
