My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
