I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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