you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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