so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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