Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
