But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
