My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
