I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just threw up on my dentist
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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