I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
