and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
