A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
