Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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