Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
