but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
