I take back everything I said about communal showers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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