my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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