I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
