My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
two words: eviction party
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
