I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
