tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
as a side note pls kill me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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