trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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