You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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