Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
