i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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