He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am available for nakedness
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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