So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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