Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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